Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
