Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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