Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
