Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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