never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
