when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
