your thong is hanging out like whoa
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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