we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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