Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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