Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
