My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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