I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
