So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
