New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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