dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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