Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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