im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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