I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
40s are totally the cure
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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