she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
