So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
