perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
