Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and she was petting her beer can
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
