actually, I'm a sock model
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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