Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
