You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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