Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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