New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
