you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
