i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
