Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
