I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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