the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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