I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
