time to smoke my breakfast
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
