I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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