i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
