please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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