Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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