Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
