once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
