Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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