I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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