I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
