I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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