It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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