My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
