Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
