I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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