LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
