just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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