I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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