Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
