and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
