she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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