Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
